Captured

I'm captured by a love so strong that my heart is completely abandoned to Jesus. Last night's Hillsong United Aftermath concert renewed my heart for Him.  This life in not perfect and we come to Him as broken people. BUT, there is nothing that He cannot do to overcome whatever we go through in life. In my broken mess two years ago, I came to Him with an ounce of faith and He made it absolutely beautiful! I do not know where life will take me, but following Jesus is the sure way to the most beautiful future.

I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world. John 16:33

In our troubles and tears, He is our hope. In our failure and fear, He is our love. In our heartache and pain, He is our healer. In our burdens and shame, He is our freedom. All because He has overcome!

Worship

What is worship? Many people believe it is just a gathering together on Sunday morning to sing songs to God, but I have discovered that it is truly more than that. Worship is what we give our hearts away to. Worship is what we love, what we can’t live without, the names we carry with us. I have been on quite a journey since last summer in pursuit of My King. My heart has fallen more in love with Him, but not without some bumps along the way. Many stemming from things that I have worshipped and given my heart away to instead of Jesus.

I gave my heart away to fear, lies from my past, and feelings of not being worthy enough. His love took a hold of me and over a week in July I was overcome by His healing. I truly accepted it, believed it and let Him heal my wounds. I gave my heart away to busyness and a lack of motivation for the purposes He has given me in this life. I completed my student teaching not without being attacked by the enemy at every angle. At a time where I had no idea what was going on, I sought Him with everything I had. I let go of my pride, asking Him to fight for me because I couldn’t. He had to be my complete strength and He came through in an even greater way.

I gave my heart away to my own selfish desires and let sin entangle me. I gave my heart away to titles, wanting control, ministry, and a lack of focus. I have worshipped books, dreams of my future, Christian musicians, and friendships. The list is really endless. Throughout this season in my life, God has shown me that He is the only one to give my heart away to. He is the only one I should worship. His name is the only name I should carry into this world.

In a place where we worship friends, celebrities, clothes, music, movies, conferences, places, relationships, sin, material things, our own desires, and love, we forget who we should be worshipping with our life, and that is Jesus. We worship not only through songs, but by the way we live our lives, our actions, our words, and what we do behind closed doors.

God has placed a piece of scripture on my heart over these last several months and it has changed my perception on what I give my heart away to: JESUS! My prayer is for an undivided heart, and heart that longs for Him alone, and heart that worships Him and nothing of this world. So, what are you giving your heart away to? What or who are you worshipping? Is it Jesus or something or someone else?

Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth. Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you. Psalm 86:11 NLT

Hillsong - Beautiful Exchange

Honduras: Day 3 and 4

It is definitely the rainy season in Honduras. We are on our way to the Lily of the Valley Church in La Ceiba on our bus and the rain and humidity are intense. I am not sure how I am going to get through the day because I already feel sick to my stomach. As much as I want to blame it on the weather, I am a little nervous of what our day will bring.


We arrive at the church and are met by members of the church and many children. It is a simple but beautifully decorated building with a small stage and several small rooms for the children. More children join us and we begin singing songs and playing games with them. The joy on their faces lights up my heart and I begin to start feeling better. The morning continues as we do a program for them full of mimes, stories, music, and crafts.

It was so cute to watch the young children decorate crosses made out of Popsicle sticks. Many of them end up taking the sticks apart and just coloring all over. They didn’t care about the craft; they were excited that we came to spend time with them. It reminded me that it is not about the “end product” but it is truly about the journey. As we go through life, we are continually growing in Christ and it is the journey that He takes us on as we follow Him every day that really matters.



After having lunch at the nicest Pizza Hut I have ever been in (and I’m really serious) and watching the US play in the World Cup, we set up for the afternoon at a park in downtown La Ceiba. Several of us walk around the park handing out tickets to people and telling them we will be giving out free prizes where the music is playing. At first, many are taken aback that we would actually give away anything free, but many join us to see what all is going on.


It is truly powerful to see people stand up and give their lives over to Christ. The mimes are my favorite part because the music and imagery truly transcend all language barriers.

Today Cassie, Tata, and I get to visit with the church in La Masica for Sunday services. The children are so happy and excited to see us back and I am completely filled with joy walking into the church. It is so nice to see many familiar faces and even a few new ones. As we begin service they read from Psalm 121.

I look up to the mountains- does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

As I listen to this verse, standing in a little church with no air conditioning, in the middle of summer, in a country struggling with violence, drugs, and severe poverty, God places on my heart that He is always watching and protecting me. I have no reason to fear anything no matter where I am.

Later in the service we take the kids for a Bible lesson, songs, games, and crafts. Every now and then I find myself just watching them as they sing as loud as they can and as they memorize a Bible verse. Words cannot describe the passion and love they share. We begin to take pictures with them and they absolutely love to see themselves on our cameras. They are fascinated by it and enjoy taking over hundred pictures of all of us.

We enjoy an authentic Honduran lunch at an outside restaurant with Pastor Roger and then head out to make home visits with families in the community. We visited many people coming from many different backgrounds and situations and invited them to our evening service. One older woman we sat with had severe foot problems which made it very hard for her to walk. She talked with us about her struggles and her children that are living in America. God really used us to talk with her because she made it to church that night.


The worship leaders in the church are two young Godly men that have a real passion for people and it is truly contagious. They lead us in several Spanish songs. Without even knowing the words they were saying, I knew exactly what God was teaching me because His presence was all around me. My heart was completely consumed by everything He is and I was reminded that love is our universal language. I have never felt so close to Him and was overtaken by an amazing peace and security.


Before the night was over, Tata sang a rap tune for the congregation and I was able to speak through an interpreter with the pastors’ daughter, Ester. She is a beautiful young lady inside and out with a heart for God. It is her dream to be able to learn English, visit England and meet a princess. I told her my dad is from England and that I have visited the country twice. We were so thrilled to be able to share this connection with each other and just began to cry.

This was by far the hardest day, physically and mentally. However, God used it and we had the most incredible experience with the people of La Masica. Leaving that night, we knew we would probably never see them again here on earth, but we knew that one day we will see them all in heaven.

Honduras: Day 1 and 2

I’ve been blessed with many opportunities to travel to several different countries in my life so far, but this time it was going to be quite a different experience. I found myself on a plane heading to Honduras for my first mission trip, eager yet nervous, not knowing what to anticipate. Our team prepared for many weeks to get to this point. We met to rehearse songs, mimes, and to prepare our plans for the work we would be doing. We covered everything we could but with Him in control, you never know what is going to happen. In the week and a half before leaving, I seemed to go through a whirl-wind of emotions from arising situations that overwhelmed me. I double and triple checked my material packing list, but it wasn’t as easy to put a check mark next to my heart and mind being all in order.


After an early morning getting to the airport, we board the plane and I eagerly try to learn as much Spanish as I can from a team member on our fairly short flight to the international airport in San Pedro Sulu. The pilot welcomes us to Honduras as my heart starts to beat rapidly and my mind goes racing 100 miles an hour. We had our first dose of reality in the airport going through the customs and immigration lines, followed by making it safely onto our bus that would take us to La Ceiba. The thought that ran through my mind was “we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.”

We were graciously welcomed by our new friends that would be with us for the week and we started our journey to La Ceiba. Almost instantly, I bubbled with excitement and peace came over me. The scenery, the quietness, the wind blowing through my hair came together as I met with my Father on what would be just the start of an incredible journey. I was comforted by the hospitality of the local pastors we would be working with and the site of an air conditioner in our hotel room. I quickly fell peacefully asleep meditating on 1 Timothy 2:1-6:

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peacefully and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth. For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity - the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave the world at just the right time.

It was our first full day in Honduras, and we traveled to a small town called La Masica. Upon arrival, we step into the church we will be working with for the day and take a deep breath. The building is made up of 4 concrete walls with many openings that serve as windows with lace coverings as curtains. There are simple wooden pews painted teal and many overhead fans that help to cut through the heat and humidity. We are welcomed by a warmth of hospitality from the leaders of the church and then make our way to a local park.

We are greeted by many young children that are eager to see us. We set up under a large gazebo and begin to sing Spanish children’s songs, do a puppet show, mimes, share the Gospel, and watch as many children accept Christ for the first time. I am filled with joy interacting and playing games with these children and even though we speak different languages, love shows through much brighter.

The town is abuzz with talk about the World Cup because Honduras is playing today. We travel to a local diner for an authentic Honduras lunch while proudly watching the game. As afternoon approaches, we are back at the park with even more children this time. Many have returned and brought friends along with them. This time they are even more eager to sing along with all our songs and hang on everything we say and do. They crowd around our bus as we leave for some we will not see again.


Evening service at the church for me was an experience that cannot be put completely into words. Two different cultures coming together to worship and share God’s word was a humbling and exhilarating experience. I was reminded that this life is not about what He can do for us, but who we should become to glorify Him. I have begun to see the first glimpses of God changing my heart.

When the Enemy Attacks

Summer is officially here and whether I think I am ready or not, I am about to embark on a journey that God has been preparing me for. Over the past month and a half I have kept busy substitute teaching, leading my small group, serving on leadership in our ministry, and preparing my heart and mind for a mission trip Honduras and Beach Retreat. I have experienced some amazing joy, as well as several struggles, big and small.



The enemy prowls and attacks right at times when God is working the most in my life. The enemy tries to keep me from achieving what God has for me and brings me down with fear and doubt. The enemy brings up things from my past that continue to haunt me and make me feel insecure in myself and in my relationship with Him.


I have been attacked time and time again. I was stricken with fear and doubt over a past relationship that I never should have been in. I was told I would never be good enough and I started to believe it again. I spent days feeling like I didn’t belong, like no one loved me, like I was all alone again. I knew God was there with me, but the enemy didn’t want to let me go.

The Lord is my light and my salvation so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. The one thing I ask of the Lord, the thing I seek most, is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of job, singing and praising the Lord with music.

Psalm 27:1-7

God reached out His hand and pulled me out. He sent me the support of friends that lifted me up, encouraged me, and reminded me of what He has done in my life and how He is using me in ministry. My joy could not be taken away from the attack of the enemy. I had to trust that my God was bigger than my past and all my fears and insecurities. I had to close the door, be still, and let God fight for me (Ex 14:14).


This summer God has an amazing mission for me that has been planned since He created the world. He appointed me for great things. This summer I will be stretched in insurmountable ways and taken out of my comfort zone so that the only one I can rely on is Him. I know that God will change lives during this time, but I can’t even begin to fathom how He will change my life this summer.

My Confidence Is Not My Own

But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ’s triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God…..Are we beginning to praise ourselves again? Are we like others, who need to bring you letters of recommendation, or who ask you to write such letters on their behalf? Surely not! The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts. We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.
2 Corinthians 2:14-15, 3:1-6

Confidence is a funny thing…. Many women struggle with being confident in themselves, myself included. It is a daily challenge for women everywhere to know that we are loved, valued, and beautiful just the way God made us. We have self-doubt and insecurities, but have to know wholeheartedly that our confidence comes from Christ alone.


In the last two months, God has literally taken my life and stretched it far beyond what I thought would ever be possible. He has placed me in situations that are completely uncomfortable. Again, in these times I have to remind myself that God doesn’t call us to be comfortable.


God has called me to begin leading a women’s small group which caught me way off guard. It has been such a blessing though and I am learning and growing more and more each week. But it didn’t just stop there. At the end of June I will be going on my very first mission trip….Honduras to be exact. God didn’t just say go to San Antonio and make my name know, but He said go to a foreign country in Latin America and show them the love of Christ. My first thoughts were “who am I to do this” and “why me.” I questioned my ability to minister to others with just my beginning knowledge of the Bible and I felt nowhere near confident to take on such an opportunity. However I find myself preparing for a journey far beyond my imagination, to a place far away, where most people speak a language I don’t know at all.

God gave me the confidence and courage from scripture, but He also gave me friends to encourage me, build me up, and show me that I was made to bring others to Him. I was reminded that it is by the spirit that I have full confidence and ability to share Christ with others. I am also fully qualified because I am a child of God and Christ is written on my heart. The thought of having to get up in front of a group of people and give my testimony, act out a skit, or lead a devotional at a moment’s notice scares me beyond belief, but I know now that it will be a time where I have no choice but to put my complete faith and trust in Him to speak through me.

Just recently I was challenged to think of Philippians 4:13 in a different way. Instead of just thinking “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” think of it as “I can do nothing without Christ who strengthens me.” I have to rely solely on Him in everything I do, now more than ever. I have completely seen Him in a new light and am so excited to see how He will use me this summer in Honduras. I might not be able to see the full results of my work there, but I know that God has chosen me for a specific reason to minister to people there that no one else can minister to. I’m looking forward to my week-long experience and what God will teach me while I am there.